The Netherlands is full of expats, which means one thing:
Your dating pool is international.
Fun? Absolutely!
Effortless? …Not always……..
Dutch dating culture can feel confusing (or mildly terrifying) to people from abroad. So if you’re a Dutch person dating an expat, here are some tips to save you from awkward silences, cultural misunderstandings, and “so… I don’t think this is going anywhere” speeches on date three.
When Honesty Sounds Like a Performance Review
You meet an expat. There’s chemistry. Laughter. Hope. And then—somewhere between the second drink and unlocking your bike—you say, very calmly: “I’m not sure yet if this has potential.” To you, this is honest, efficient, and refreshingly transparent. To them, it sounds like HR just called to say they didn’t pass the probation period. In many cultures, feelings are explored slowly, not announced like a quarterly update.
The “So… What Are We?” Panic Button
After a few dates, you feel it’s time for clarity. Logical. Mature. Very Dutch. So you ask where this is going. Your date freezes, mentally picturing wedding speeches and shared Google Calendars. Many expats prefer to date first, define later. For them, in general, romance is a vibe, not a roadmap.
The Great Dutch Bill-Splitting Moment
The bill arrives. You instinctively suggest splitting it exactly down to the cent. You even already have the banking app open. Your date agrees, but something… fades. In many cultures, paying for a drink is flirting, not financial irresponsibility. It’s not about money. It’s about saying, “I like you,” without using words.
When Being Chill Looks Like Not Caring
You’re relaxed. You’re steady. You’re not overreacting. Perfect, right? Except your expat date is wondering if you’re emotionally available or just very polite. Dutch calm can feel like emotional WiFi with one bar. A little enthusiasm—yes, even verbally—goes a long way.
“That’s Just How I Am” (Or Is It?)
Texting habits, punctuality, personal space, flirting styles, you assume it’s personality. They assume it’s culture. Plot twist: it’s both. Without curiosity, these tiny differences slowly turn into silent confusion and passive-aggressive calendar negotiations.
Dating Someone Who Left Their Whole Life Behind
At some point, they mention missing home. You nod. Maybe say, “Yeah, that’s tough.” And then change the subject to the weather. Living abroad can be lonely, and asking about their culture, language, or expat life is basically foreplay. Feeling seen is hot.
Romance, but Make It Slightly Less Practical
You keep things normal. Sensible. No surprises. Meanwhile, they secretly hope for a spontaneous plan, a sweet message, or a tiny bit of drama (the fun kind). Dating expats isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about realizing that “normal” is relative, and that a little extra effort can be wildly attractive.
Bottom line
Dating expats as a Dutch person isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about meeting halfway. Add a pinch of warmth, curiosity, and flexibility, and suddenly… international dating becomes a lot more fun.
Success!
